Here it is, my first entry to the blog and I have been handed a Belter to write about, I hope I do it justice. I believe The 12 pubs of Newport has gone down in local folk legend.
Date: Unknown, Time: About 7-8pm Location: Newport Pagnell, Weather: Unimportant, Rules: At least 1 alcoholic drink to be consumed in each Pubic house. Do the Maths, 12 drinks in a 3hour period, it's not going to be pretty.
I am probably the worst person to be writing this in terms of actual fact but the general jist will be there and the gaps in my memory will be filled with weird and wonderful made up stuff which you will have to filter out.
It seems to me that all the stories so far seem to imply at some point in them that "the rest is a little fuzzy", partly due to our aging, dwindling memories and mainly due to the exorbitant amount of alcohol being consumed. So to continue this theme my blog entry will end with "the rest is a little fuzzy..."
If anyone is in question as to which the 12 pubs are, here they are IN ORDER,
The Dove
The Red House
The Kingfisher
The Green Man
The Rose and Crown
The Coachmakers
The Dolphin
The Plough
The Cannon
The Frog
The Mighty Kings Arms -Finite
The observant amongst you may have noticed that there are only 11 pubs in this list, but I will continue the blog in the vein hope I will find the twelfth somewhere. I continue. It all started (7pm-8pm) in The Dove (as all good nights out do) with a solid pint. I would give you a full list of those in attendance but I cannot be 100% sure, but if my memory serves me correct Pete, Paul, Ben?, Gareth, Winston Churchill and Mike? were present. Those who I have missed, i'm sorry, i'm sure we all enjoyed your company, but I was very, very drunk. You may wish to add a comment to ensure time does not forget you. James I know you weren't there but we knew you would've if you could've, however if my memory serves me correct you were off drinking somewhere else, good man.
Back to the point, in short, we all unicycled from the Dove to the Red House, got shot, I mean had a shot, unicycled out of the Red house being shot and got a lift from Luke (in Gareths car) to the Kingfisher. (This i am sure of, we had dumped the unicycles at this point). After purchasing and consuming a beverage (of some kind) we observed the local pond life in the Kingfisher and were particularly intrigued by some of the more primitive 4-eyed amphibians. (the Guiness advert springs to mind). A short helicopter flight landed us on the roof of the Green man where we were all escorted down to a table where our drinks were waiting. We stayed for a short while before hopping on the travelator which runs between The Green man and The Rose and Crown. We arranged for the helicopter to meet us later. After a brisk trip down memory lane, (though i don't believe I was pubbing in The Rose and Crown era) we jogged to The Coachmakers and jogged out of The Coachmakers, in fact we continued in this way all the way up the High Street, spending as little time in The Dolphin, The Plough and The Cannon as humanly possible to avoid being stabbed, glassed or bummed respectively, before coming to a brief but well earned rest in The (penultimate) Frog. By this point my memory is very shady and the following helicopter ride I could explain to you in vivid detail MAY actually have happened, but the 11 empty glasses trailing in my wake will not let me enter this part of my head. Any how, the last drink in The Kings Arms was spent in the worst possible place about 35ft up on a bar stool wobbling about where a vague window of memory tells me I was drinking something ropey and striking up slurred conversation with someone. Pete, I so i understand, was for no apparent reason laying on the grass outside the pub on the phone, Gareth was probably totally unaffected by the 155 units of alcohol running round his system, Paul was probably stripping naked ready to fall asleep on his toilet when he arrived home and Mike was probably having a pop at a some bouncer. I also believe there was a fight erupting (probably Mike) on the streets outside The Bull... the twelfth pub was The Bull! Yeah we had a drink in there too. The (penultimate) Bull, sorry Frog you just got demoted.
So here they are, The 12 pubs of Newport.
The Dove
The Red House
The Kingfisher
The Green Man
The Rose and Crown
The Coachmakers
The Dolphin
The Plough
The Cannon
The Frog (formerly The penultimate Frog now just The Frog)
The (penultimate) Bull
The Mighty Kings Arms -Finite
Please feel free to add your own personal endings, though I never feel a night out in Newport is complete finished without a good kebab and a vomit.
(11pm+) My own personal ending to the story resulted in me vomiting extremely violently, going to bed being looked after by my elder sister and then following her around the house with a bucket full of sick. She told me i scared her, yes, scared her. The rest is a little fuzzy...
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Allow me to fill in some of the blanks:
1. Attendance was definately Me, You, Ben, Paul, Gareth. I have a memory of Rachel being there, but she certainly didn't last the whole night.
2. The Plough was unanimously voted the worst pub in Newport... a claim that lives to this day.
3. There was an incident on the way to the Kebab House when a police car cruised past and Paul shouted in a very drunken manner "EVERYBODY ACT SOBER", I'm pretty sure while falling into the Co-op window.
4. I wasn't laying on the grass - I was on a bench!
5. I remember all the pubs, except the Dolphin.
6. In an effort to save myself some money, I volunteered to buy the round at the Frog, under the assumption that the barmaid I knew there would sort us with cheap drinks, as had become her custom. Trying to be a tight bastard clearly bit me on the arse, because she wasn't working and I got stung with the most expensive round of the night.
7. Date was sometime before Christmas, 2001.
A glorious achievement by us all
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